| I have been helping to care for my nieces, Kayla and Jaime, and my nephew, Jason. We had a rough morning while getting ready to go to school yesterday.. I found myself yelling back and forth with both Jaime and Jason. My heart was pounding quickly and we were pretty upset with each other. But the day continued and I saw them later in the day and things were better. We laughed a little. We talked a little. We even went to the mall together. The night came, and I left the kids home as I went to Kayla and Jaime's elementary school for Back to School Night. I will admit that I was a little excited because I have never attended one before. Only parents are told to go and it is requested that parents leave their children at home. So it was a change for me to be on the other side this time. However, a part of me did not want to go because I do not interact very much with the other parents. They all seem to have created their cliques of friends before I entered the picture, plus I am not a very outgoing person. So standing there amidst the other parents while they mingle and converse while I stand there alone is not something I enjoy at all. It is an awkward feeling that I tend to avoid when I can. Tonight I was willing to endure this awkwardness to get a better idea of what goes on during school, and to get to know the girls on how they are at school. The night started with all the parents gathered in the multi-purpose room. After the Pledge of Allegiance, the principle gave her speech and introduced the school, their mission, and all the staff. Then the parents split up and headed towards the classrooms. Kindergarten and first grade teachers went first, and second and third grade teachers have their meetings later to make it easier for those with siblings that attend the same school. I was extremely excited to see Kayla and Jaime's classrooms; how they kept their desks, their writings, their artwork, their everything. I walked into Jaime's classroom, found her seat and sat down. The teacher went over their ways of teaching, how the room was set up, etc. Then we were instructed to go through their belongings if we wished, but whatever we did, we had to read through their daily journal. I must say that everything Jaime wrote was so adorable! From the pictures she drew to the stories she told to the misspellings she made.. they made me so happy! I absolutely love going through Jaime and Kayla's writings because their imaginations are amazing. And when you read their writings, you get a peek into their minds and you notice what sorts of things in their daily lives remain in their heads at the end of the day. Jaime's teacher told us to search for today's entry because it was a letter written to us to tell us about tonight, and then we had to reply to their letters. I eagerly searched through the journal to see what was written to me. Instead, I was disappointed to see that Jaime's letter was directed to "Mrs. Wilks." Mrs. Wilks is the woman who picks up the kids from school a few days of the week when I can't or my mother can't. I wondered why Jaime would address her letter to Mrs. Wilks. Was it that Jaime wanted her to come instead of me? Thoughts similar to that ran through my mind. My excitement dwindled and I just took it for what it was. I wrote a happy letter to Jaime, letting her know how proud and happy I was for her work, and I let her know that I love her very much. Then I gathered my belongings and walked to Kayla's room wondering what was in store for me there. Kayla's teacher introduced herself, then she explained her background, ways of teaching, her goals for the class, etc. At first I did not see anything I did not expect to see. I saw Kayla's "gold record" for passing her addition test with flying colors. I saw multiple books in her bin that was waiting to be read. Kayla is so smart so I was not surprised to see these things, but that made me more proud of her. After I went through her desk, I walked to the corner of the classroom where the students' writing folders were located. I opened Kayla's folders and I read her stories. One story was titled as "My Horrible, Worst Day." It was a fictional story was about a girl who was just having the worst day ever, and everytime something happened, she'd say, "I wish I lived in Brooklyn." It must have been written at least six times within the four-page story. Every time I read it, I felt as though it was Kayla saying that she wanted to go back home. People tend to analyze the things that children write because they might be saying more than what is written on paper. Well, Kayla used to live in Brooklyn with her parents for about a year before moving to New Jersey. I felt like her story was such a cry for help that she wanted to go "home." I felt so sad for her. I enjoyed reading her stories and the way they were so well-written, but it made me sad. I gathered my belongings and I slowly walked home thinking about Jaime's letter to Mrs. Wilks, and now the possibility of Kayla being so upset at her current living conditions. I got so upset. I walked into Back to School Night with excitement and I walked out with resentment. Had I just stayed at home instead of going to this school event, I would not have gone through the awkwardness with the parents, and I would not have to have this feeling of sadness running through me. But it's better that I know, so I decided I would confront both girls when I got the opportunity. It was about 9:30P when I got home. I told Jason and Jaime to get ready for bed. I told Kayla to do the homework I brought home for her because she forgot it in her desk. After she was done, I went over all her homework. I went over whatever errors she made, she made corrections, and I signed what I needed to. Then she asked me how Back to School Night went and what I did and what I saw. I told her how proud I was about her gold record, and she smiled. I told her I went through her desk and her books, and she smiled. And I told her I read her stories, and she smiled. I told her that I enjoyed both her stories, but I had a question about one of them. She looked at me a little nervously. I asked her why she kept writing, "I want to live in Brooklyn" in her story. The nervousness disappeared and she smiled again. She told me she got the idea from one of the books she read. In the book, everytime the main character had something bad or unfair happen to him, he'd say, "I want to live in Antarctica." So she just did the same thing with her story, but changed it to Brooklyn. Slightly relieved, I asked, "I know you miss your parents, but are you unhappy living here?" She said, "no, I like it here." And I grabbed her and hugged her hard. In tears, I told her how much she meant to me and that I loved her so much. She smiled widely, hugged me back and told me that she loved me very much. One down, one to go. After Kayla was tucked into bed, I went to Jaime. Jaime was already asleep. I kissed her forehead and wished her a good night. I went downstairs to prepare her bookbag for tomorrow. I got ready for bed, and eventually, I fell asleep. The next morning, everything was going pretty smoothe. The kids got out of bed at a reasonable time. Jaime was the last to get out. So I sat next to her and I told her what I saw in her classroom. I told her I liked her journal and I told her I left a little note in there for her to read today. She laughed a little. And I asked, "but why did you write your letter to Mrs. Wilks?" She said, "I didn't know who would go to Back to School Night." I told her that it probably would've been me or her grandmother. She said, "I don't know." So I looked at her and I asked, "Why did you write 'Mrs. Wilks' instead of me or your grandmother? Did you want her to go instead of us?" And she replied with a simple "yes." Slightly hurt, I asked why. And with a smile, Jaime said, "because I wanted you to stay home with me." I returned the smile, and I just kept hugging the little girl that is Jaime. I'm learning that sometimes with kids, they don't completely understand the word "love." Though similarly, they don't fully understand the word "hate." Sometimes they might tell you that they hate you, but don't take it personally. They don't know the power of that word yet. I overheard a radio station say that if a child tells you they hate you, you might be doing something right. You're there to be their parent, not their friend. Though, I'm proud to say that I haven't heard that (yet). I feel that sometimes kids just say things. They might just say they love you because you said it first and it's just expected that they return the words, but if you pay attention to their actions, that can also indicate how they're truly feeling. Like with these kids, it's when they hug me out of nowhere, or they kiss me out of nowhere. I love these kids so much.. and they love me, as I am still learning through my first experience with Back to School Night. I tell them that I love them every time I drop the girls off at school, and Jason at daycare - of course this isn't the only time I tell them, I just feel it's a good reminder for them as they start their day. My routine for dropping them off at school and daycare is that first I hug them, then I kiss them, and then I tell them I love them. And sometimes they initiate the hug, the kiss, and they tell me first that they love me. |
